31.12.08

The last day of the year!!!

No deep and meaningful insights. No nostalgia. No year end confessions. No resolutions. No witty limericks. No wise anecdotes.

Yes wishes from the heart. Yes bright and prosperous new year. Yes make new friends don't forget the old. Yes be safe on the roads. Yes spreading cheer. Yes pursuing peace. Yes hello and gratitude to all who read my ramblings and encourage. Yes more and better blogs.


Happy New Year!!!!

30.12.08

Goodbye Tickle

Tickle is closing down...*sniff*. I will never forget the hours spent discovering my emotional quotient on Tickle..or the nice things it always said about me. I have precious memories and fond sentiments attached to the website and now that I've learnt that its closing down..I pay my last respects.


Tickle, you may be gone in another day, but you will forever remain the only one ever to have called me a 'borderline genius'. I will miss you.

29.12.08

The Christmas 'Tag'omine

I've been tagged by Jolly! This one was easy enough (read: didn’t have to think too much or bare my soul out-both make me uncomfortable in different ways!) So, here goes!

1. Egg Nog or Hot Chocolate?
Neither. One cup filter coffee, please!

2. Does Santa wrap presents or just sit them under the tree?
Puhleeeaazze! Santa doesnt wrap presents....the elves do!!!

3. Colored lights on tree/house or white?
Subjective. If the house is already brightly colored- stick with the decorations alone. If the house is white- go on, give the colored ones a chance. However, if white meant snow - then, dont try anything stupid, you could have a fall or worse, an electric shock - Just draw funny faces and leave a note for aliens to read from their UFOs.

4. Do you hang mistletoe?
Nooo! No need for that...*blushes violently*

5. When do you put your decorations up?
Used to be the beginning of advent. This year, it was two days before Christmas, and that too, courtesy mom!

6. What is your favorite holiday dish (excluding dessert)?
Biryani!

7. Favorite holiday memory as a child:
Carol singing, late into the night!

8. When and how did you learn the truth about Santa?
*panicking*...what truth?? He is fine, isnt he??

9. Do you open a gift on Christmas Eve?
Gift? What gift?

10. How do you decorate your Christmas Tree?
Recently, I found a bookmark lying on the floor, I was in a hurry to leave, so I stuck it in the Christmas tree..hehe!

11. Snow! Love it or Dread it?
Inside my room, warm and cozy, with a mug of hot (you guessed it!) filter coffee - Love it!
Covered, head to toe, my house just another few steps away, and its snowing - Will probably enjoy it.
Snow stopped, now melting, slushy everywhere - Dread it!

12. Can you ice skate?
Given my history of misplaced centre of gravity....I'm sure I can - on my behind!

13. Do you remember your favorite gift?
Yes.

14. What is the most important thing about the Holidays for you?
The evasive Christmas spirit!

15. What is your favorite Holiday Dessert?
Plum cake =D

16. What is your favorite holiday tradition?
Plum cake =D (and coffee)!

17. What tops your tree?
Star.

18. Which do you prefer giving or receiving?
Both.

19. What is your favorite Christmas Song?
Oh Holy Night

20. Candy Canes: Yuck or Yum?
Yum (until, I get high on Sugar and cant have another crystal, that is!)

21. What do you want for Christmas?
Someone who'll switch places with me, to do the rounds of sharing Christmas 'palagaram' with the neighbours.

22. Do you attend an annual Christmas Party?
Nopeee.

23. Do you dress up on Christmas or wear PJs?
PJs =D (assuming, we are talking about Christmas day and not, Christmas eve, where we attend midnight mass).

24. Do you own a Santa hat?
Used to, lost it (the hat, I mean).

25. Who do you normally spend Christmas with?
Family and family!

26.12.08

Think Hell, think 'hell'

I have evolved over time, and so has my perception of my faith, my understanding of the divine and my relationship with God. I am not a fanatic, neither am I lukewarm. I have my beliefs, my own doubts (but of course! Faith that doesn't have its occasional, "hmmm..??" moments gives no space for growth) and my own way of 'setting it right'.

Anyways, recently, I was going through some random questions on Straightdope (which is my latest addiction!) where someone had asked Cecil Adams (the guy who answers the questions) about 'Hell'. Among the many things written there, there was something that I could immediately relate to. It said, that Hell is the state of mind/being one is in, when away from God (aka- the state of mind/being one is in when the conscience is pricking with several thorns).

I equate conscience with God. So, that feeling you get when you know you've done something wrong, yet you justify it in your heart, convince yourself its OK and have your meal and try to sleep - yet, sleep evades you. When you feel this serpentine something that squirms within you, your heart in its mouth, stealing the twinkle from your eye, the mirth from your laughter, the peace from your soul. Being away from God...so, that is hell, huh?

I wholeheartedly agree, because, I think its worse than a raging fire.

17.12.08

Best of both worlds

Its an absolute bliss being a woman! I mean, the emotional roller coasters, the dastardly PMS, the uneven distribution of weight, the inability to immediately convert fat to muscle and several other unmentionable flips aside, it really is an absolute bliss being a woman!

The way we think, has among many millions, caught my curiosity too. Since a long time ago I have been trying to understand/analyse/accept some genetic traits inherited from Eve herself. I know, for instance, that we women have a lot more connections that run between our brain cells, that we have a larger corpus collosum that facilitates the transfer of data between the left and the right brain. But, here comes the icing - we are adept at using both sides of the brain effectively!

Good news, right?!!! Yes, true..yeah..hmmm...ahem! Indecisiveness I guess is a direct derivative of this physiological advantage (or dis, depending on the circumstance!). So, today, when I asked the person responsible for beverages in my office ,for tea, plain old chai, and he rattled, "elaichi? masala? ginger? lemon?"; it was embarrassing to stand there stumped, brain rooted to its stem, unable to speak, since the brain was still processing the information and trying to come to a conclusion. It was an unearthly forty seconds or so before I decided on cardamom, if not for anything, but to get out of the room!

Embarrassment aside, I am quite proud of the left brain, right brain adeptness! As a daughter, it gets me to feel guilty when mom is working alone in the kitchen (and yell from in front of the TV, 'ma, want 'ny 'elp??') and at the same time tell myself that one day, I would be there making burritos and carrot halwa for my off springs and their father, so I can offer my culinary services during the commercial break for Balika Vadhu!

Just to confirm things, I wanted to quickly check the dancing girl test - an interesting test that tells you whether you use the left half of your brain more than the right or vice versa - and guess what happens there! The girl turned clockwise as soon as I could see her, a blink later, she was turning anti clockwise! And another blink later, clockwise!

So, women, enjoy among many other things, this full use of the brain!!!

14.11.08

The other side

There are things that happen in life which just get imprinted in your memory and become milestones for life. The first time you hit the fan switch all by yourself (balancing on your toes), the time you learnt how to ride cycle (without daddy holding the carrier and awkwardly running behind you), the time you got punished for talking in class, the time you thought your parents hated you, the time you absolutely swore there was no god, the time you prayed (almost immediately after) that you pass the horribly done exam(!),the time you won a competition unexpectedly, the time you lost one miserably, the time you realised you were in love...(dreamy eyes!).

And recently ,(for me) the time I realised I was now on the other side of twenty five! (Eeeeeeeeeeee!!)

My enlightened day began with a big long look at the mirror. So, I asked myself (conscience in the mirror -Indian movie style) about how it felt to be twenty six. And whilst the conversation was going on, I noticed something that I thought was going to make me faint. No, this couldnt be happening, not so soon, not so spot on. How do my hormones know that its my birthday today????? And I thought these things will take another good ten years before they start appearing. For, on the left of my left eye, was a wrinkle, so obviously visible that I was shocked into stunned silence! I rubbed my eyes in disbelief, and again, shockingly, the wrinkle stuck to my palms - it was an eyelash (phew!).

Resolving (again) not to be so impulsive with my conclusions, the rest of the day was a pleasant blur, gobbling on mom made special kesari (a South Indian sweet dish),thanking my friends who called me to not only wish me many returns o my day, but also to remind me that now I was OLD! Dinner in a cosy little restaurant with a Ralph Lauren fragrance nestled comfortably in my purse, my dear K beside me and cute tiny imaginary hearts popping here and there, it wasnt a bad, heck it was a lovely good bye to pre 25 and a warm hug to post!

Ach, soooooooo many things to do before I reach the big three oh! I better hurry up now!

21.8.08

LipSTICK

Imagine a lipstick that is true to its promise of super staying and not smudging. Now imagine that lipstick on me. Since 2PM this afternoon. And not by choice!

Normally, I refrain from trying on too many cosmetics in stores (tester perfumes are a different story altogether!), but when I saw this ad for Maybelline's Super Stay Lipstick in the store I was so intrigued. The model kisses her friend, drinks water even rubs it off with her fingers, but this Super Stay technology allows her to look just as gorgeous as she was before the kiss and the glass of water! Thoroughly curious, I tried on some and I just had to pick up an err-is-she-bleeding color! Its been exactly twelve hours now, the lipstick has braved a face wash,some snacks (healthy ones only!), another face wash and even dinner. And its still there!

I dont know whether this is funny or scary! For now though, looks like Super Stay is here to stay!

31.7.08

'Mama' mia!

I feel like a mother who has been focusing too much on one of her many children! I've been so hooked to Flickr that I was neglecting this baby! Instincts got the better of me though and I'm back! So many things have happened in the last few days! I spoke to two of my old friends *at the same time* and we thought that would never happen! I cleaned my room and then messed it up again, my neighbours are suddenly being nice to me (I was very very suspicious initially, now I'm just beginning to accept it!) I sent away thirty five kilos worth of books home, have given my notice at work, preparing to say my good byes to this town which has been my 'home' for the past two years!

On one side, there is a resistance to change and on the other side, there is the wild rush of anticipation and excitement at coming back home!! It took me incessant rain to appreciate the sunshine. Its all packing time (very valid excuse for a very cluttered room!), shopping (no excuses needed!) and lots of nostalgia. Now all of a sudden the very annoying mist seems endearing! haha!
But, like they say, home is where the heart is and my heart is in India, Chennai!

The countdown begins!

20.6.08

Uh..one..uh..two..uh..three!

Jolly tagged me (not the first time!) and I decided to take things seriously and find out what this tagging is all about! So, as per the rules of this, I need to do the following-

1. Pick up the nearest book.Open to page 123.
2. Find the fifth sentence.Post the next three sentences.
3. Tag five people, and acknowledge the person who tagged me.

Shifting has become a chore given my recent sedentary habits (try do everything whilst being seated on the couch), so with great difficulty, I picked one up that looks like it has more than 123 pages. And Dr.Atkin's (the author of the ill fated book), on page 123, sentence #5, 6, 7 & 8 says, "..and other vegetable oils (preferably expeller-pressed or cold pressed). Eat no more than 20 grams a day of carbohydrate, most of which must come in the form of salad greens and other vegetables. You can eat (then lots of obscure weird numbers) ..and other vegetables. Eat absolutely no fruit, bread, pasta, grains, starchy vegetables or dairy products other than cheese, cream or butter."

Now, two thoughts cross my head as I look at the bright orange cover of Dr.Atkin's New Diet Revolution. First, if I dont eat any of the eat-absolutely-none-of-the-above, how in nutrition's name am I supposed to survive? Second, what in the good-reading-sensible-book-collection-dont-be-daft-reading-such-yewwey-stuff name is that book doing on my shelf?

First thing tomorrow morning when I wake up (ok, afternoon), this book is going down.

9.6.08

Time to pay the rent and other grown up things!

So far, I have identified two side effects of growing up. I mean, not like it makes a difference or anything because, the Growing Up tablet/tonic is not a choice, its just shoved down the throat! So, like I was saying, the two side effects I have identified are

* You keep wondering whether you've finally grown up or not (not physically OBVIOUSLY, but you know, the abstract bit)

* Diminishing number of 'friends'.

The first time that it struck me that I had grown up (at the age of twenty four) was when I had to house hunt. It scared the everything out of me. I don't do house hunts man! Its a grown up thing....I'm not a grown up? Or am I? I was so intimidated and daunted. What if the guy tried to rip me off (which he did - ironically, he was an Indian!) When I learn that my friends, fellow class bunkers, fellow hooters, cat callers, fellow tuck-sari-in-waist-and-shamelessly-dance-to-koothu-music-ers, are tying nuptial knots, it knots my stomach up! Or are they just marrying early? Aah, the power of the mind to argue, counter argue and finally convince you of what you want to hear! Funny, but dangerous.

The other side effect, the one about friends, that was a harder side effect to learn to live with. When you are young(er), you meet someone, you laugh all the time, wavelengths match, and voila, you have a friend! Its pretty simple. But as a grown up (or so I think at the moment) its not that easy. You meet someone, you laugh a lot, wavelengths match and voila, you are reminded of the time, the same thing happened with the other girl who you thought was a soul sista and then you (and your friendship) fell flat on the face. And you take a step back, laugh a little less and keep an arm's distance. By now, I do know that as progression of age takes place, that is the best strategy to implement. Because, ultimately (again, a result of growing up) we realize that time is the truest test of everything. And slowly, one by one, some of them fade into oblivion and very few precious ones remain.

But worse than everything, everything, is a third side effect. It doesnt happen, it attacks! When you are traveling in a bus/train/plane and you see this really cute Indian kid and you as usual aah, ooh, and choo cute and finally coo, whach is youueerr nameee?? (though you know perfectly well, that the kid can probably only say, ga, goo, and chochi) and the mother, to humour you, chips in, "Come on XYZ, tell your name to AUNTY".

Aaaaaaaaaaahhhh....somebody shoot me!!

7.6.08

If you dont succeed at first...second...seventh..go to sleep!

Its 3:22 am. I should be sleeping, dreaming, drooling. However, so far, I have had 1.5 litres of water, three trips to the loo and about seven template flops. I tried Enigma this, Flower Power that, and now, as you can see, its back to the drawing board - literally!

I dont have the energy to spruce this up now. But, I feel like a college girl who has been forced to wear a uniform.

Oh well, tomorrow is another day! And since I am an award winning procrastinator, expect tomorrow anytime, but tomorrow!

I cant think of anything funny/witty/ponderable/shocking/appropriate to say in conclusion (I am brain dead from sleep). So, I'll say whatever pops into my head..Winona Ryder (????!!!), masala dosa, Roundtana, crooked lamp, dishes to do, cuddly bison, Dasavatharam...aarrggh..I'll stop.

Good night.

17.5.08

Story Time!

"I have Hay Fever. So, could people please stop wearing perfumes?

-Beth xx"

An email from a lady at work, to every one else in the office.

This reminded me of the story I had mentioned in one of my earlier posts -the one about 'your freedom ends where my nose begins'. I had committed to narrating the story one day and this email proved to be a perfect excuse!

The story in mention was read many many years ago, so apart from the gist, I don't remember anything else!! I have attempted to reconstruct the story below. So, if you do get your hands on the original and the one below looks as similar to it as a raven to a peacock, please don't say that I didn't warn you!

~~ It was a bright and beautiful morning. The sun gloriously poured its beams down, the birds chirped merrily hopping from the sycamore to the cedar. The flowers swayed in easy abandon and children gaily skipped,faces aglow. But that morning's enthusiasm paled in comparison to the countenance of a certain Mr.Gyles. With his sunday best on his back, the favorite hat on his jolly head and his faithful companion - a 1932, hand-stitched St.Michael's, black umbrella twirling in the air. He was the perfect picture of health and happiness! His smart, shining shoes clicked away in a cheerful rhythm, pleasing all who passed, as did the merry tune his smiling lips were humming. Mr.Gyles was a free man now. Free to do whatever pleased him, free to pursue his long cherished dream of finishing that novel he had been writing for years, free to now spend every evening in the company of like minded gentlemen at The Crosskeys, the little town's favorite watering hole.

Today was the first day of Mr.Gyles well earned retirement. After forty years at the Council, he had done well for himself. Growing slowly and steadily up the ranks, he now had a handsome amount saved and a pleasant pension to fund his necessities and even his extravagances! "I am a happy and free man" he thought! And why not?! With all his children well settled, a life well lived with his beloved wife (RIP) and a position as the Deputy Chairman of The Poker and Other Enjoyable Events Association, he had every right to have that spring in his step and that song on his lips.

"I am a happy man, I can do as I please. I'll buy a Japanese fan, or even climb those trees!" sang Mr.Gyles, his umbrella swinging happily in response to the melody. As Mr.Gyles soaked in the sunshine and let it beam through his smile, he scarcely noticed the frown on Mr.Callan's face.

Mr.Callan was teacher. He taught physics at the local St.Edin's Grammar School for Boys. He was feared to the point of reverence and was a respected figure among the weary parents of all those boys. He however, was also feared to the point of dislike by every one else. His tongue was acerbic and could spurn nasty retorts told with the coldness and calmness of a dead fish. Those who met him, said hello while their eyes darted for the nearest exit. To see a frown on Mr.Callan's face was not considered a happy event.

Mr.Gyles continued his jolly stride, with his pride of an umbrella faithfully oscillating beside him. He did not hear the 'tch tch', he did not hear the cough cough. His sparkling eyes however noticed a form, very similar in appearance to the dreaded Mr.Callan brush past him and stop right before him. Even though this would have had the heart beats of Mr.Gyles racing in no time, today was not one of those days! He gave Mr.Callan one of his most endearing smiles and enquired after the missus and the school. "You seem a happy man today, Mr.Gyles" said Mr.C. "Oh yes! You see Mr.Callan, I have retired as of today! I am a free man now! I have all the freedom in the world to do whatever I want. I have the freedom to run, to skip, to jump, to sit to do anything at all, yessir!"

An eyebrow belonging to Mr.C raised itself dangerously close to his hairline. "Ahem. So, is that joyful event, the cause of your overtly animated umbrella then, Mr.Gyles?" It was the right question, but it involved the wrong prop. Mr.Gyles' umbrella was not only hand-stitched and unique and presented to him by the very industrious Mr.Mark of St.Michaels, but also, it was the umbrella that had allowed Mr.Gyles to so chivalrously court Mrs.Gyles on a rainy evening. It had sentimental value.

Not a little annoyed with Mr.C's interrogation, Mr.Gyles, smile slipping away at the corners, looked at Mr.Callan's intimidating apperance and said, "Its my day, my life AND my umbrella Mr.Callan. I am a free man and I have the freedom to do as I please."
"Even to swing your umbrella wheresoever you will, with no emotion or consideration for who walks before or behind you, Mr.Gyles?" The smile now completely gone, cheeks a little flushed, Mr.Gyles supressed an urge to pluck out that raised eyebrow and said "Yessir, Mr.Callan. I can do as I please. This is a free country and it gives me sovereign freedom to swing my umbrella wheresoever I please and howsoever I please." With a sarcastic snort, Mr.Callan lifted the umbrella from the ground, with its silver pointed end towards him, brought it near his face and said, "Mr.Gyles, you might be a free man and I congratulate you on that. But remember, your freedom ends, where my nose begins." So saying, he dropped the umbrella and walked away into the crowd.

It was a fuming (but humbled) Mr.Gyles that The Crosskeys saw enter that evening. For after the sour episode with Mr.C, Mr. Gyles feeling like a reprimanded adolescent continued twirling his umbrella with all the more vigour just to prove to himself that the stupid Mr.C with his 'your freedom' and 'my nose' was nothing but a frustrated school teacher. But when he knocked the glasses off Mrs. O'Neill and almost poked her in the eye with his umbrella, he grudgingly saw the light (after paying damages to Mrs.O'Neill and offering a thousand apologies, of course).

The umbrella still oscillates beside Mr.Gyles. But he is careful it doesnt go anywhere near where anyone else's nose begins! ~~

23.3.08

Flying Jesus

It was a balmy beautiful night. The sea breeze, salty and comforting, found paths through my hair. It tickled, it caressed. Beside me was mommy, cotton clad, serious faced. In front of me, many rows away, was the priest. Face lighted from below (the candle on the altar), scary! The place was Pondicherry, the location was the makeshift altar of the Pondicherry cathedral since, the original one, inside the church was being renovated like the rest of it.

To say that I was bored, would be an understatement. It was a Tamil mass and I was the English-speaking 'Cluny Convent' girl! Twice my mother had stopped me from making faces at the people behind me and once, she had to physically stop me from performing a few Bharatnatyam steps which seemed apt for the tunes belted out by the choir that night!

So, when mom cajoled me to keep the palms of my hands together, throughout the mass, like I was saying a permanent 'vanakkam', I exasperatedly asked her what all this drama was about and why there were streamers all over the place? That's when mom said, 'Its Easter tonight!'

Eat-her...East-her..Eas-ter. What was that?!?!?!?!?! (mommy)

If I were at home, I would have either gotten spanked for being a pain or would have been the poor audience of an hour long lecture on the origin and meaning of the word! But, thank heavens, I was in the outdoor church! Anyways, mom got a brainwave. She said, 'Oh, today is Jesus' Resurrection day' pregnant pause 'he is going to heaven tonight!'

For a six year old, I think my reaction was pretty mature. I just held my dropped jaw in place, stared at my mom real hard, tried not to let my voice tremble, while I mustered an awe struck 'REALLLLLLLLLYYYYYYYY?????!!!' And that night, while the whole church stood, sat, knelt, sat, stood, knelt in that and other order, I sat, with the back of my head, touching the base of my neck, waiting to see Jesus, clad in white, beard et al, holding a cross in his right hand and waving to me with his left!!

Needless to say, I was one disappointed child that Easter night, suddenly doubting if mom's theory about eating lots of lady's finger making me get first rank in Maths was as valid as Flying Jesus!!!

This Easter, however, this girl ain't looking for Jesus flying in the sky!! Because, she knows that God ain't 'out there', he's 'in here!'! And she also knows that, all she needs to do is look into the eyes of a baby, the splendor of a morning, the beauty of a rose, the love of a loved one, the forgiveness of a wrong and she'll find God right there!!

Happy Easter everyone!!

22.3.08

Words Worth

She doesn't know I am blogging about her! But she is just an arm's length away from me! She says she is watching Pride and Prejudice, but I know by instinct, that its Mr.Darcy she is after! I met her face to face after three years, though, when I saw her in the railway station it was like, meeting her in the recess after third period!

Daffy (Daffodil) and I became friends on the evening of the day, we both were going to be alone, away from our families for the first time in our lives, starting the super scary, super jolly college life. It struck me quite strong, to think that we've been friends for eight years now.

Eight years ago, on a similar night, we shared a similar room. She snored away to glory, while I slept the disturbed sleep of one haunted. I had a gut feeling that she would turn into a bat in the middle of the night!! And last night, we talked so much, throughout the night, that we went to bed at daybreak! No bat-turning-genius that girl!

College began, life went on. Ups, downs. We (she, me, Az, Gaay) even formed a band!! We called ourselves, The Rhythmic Technos!! I blush now. But then, we were fiercely proud of our acoustic and musical skills! She played the guitar, Az the harmonica, Gaay and I crooned!


It is said that it takes four years to form a friendship and then its for life. I am grateful for this girl who is staring at Mr.Darcy right now, who says she wants to learn how to cook from me...ME!! And when I do teach her, she ooohs and aaahs and says, Ash, kalakitta!!

As Elizabeth says, "I love you" to Mr. Darcy and I steal a look to see if her eyes are welling with tears, I ask her, "Do you like Mr. Darcy?" and she turns around, eyes aglow, face bright,(the light from the laptop!) all thirty two visible and gives me an affirmative nod!!

There are some people who just dont have to 'act their age' with you or you with them!!

14.2.08

....Love!



How long does it take to love somebody?
A minute or a year?
From the start to the finish
But does it really have a beginning or an end?

How long does it take to know you've reached the depths?
Of the soul, of the mind and find yours in theirs?
Or did the universe create, yours and theirs, entwined?
Always?

How long does it take to realize?
The ache, the pain are the same as the ecstacy and joy?
Each a part of the other,
Today, tomorrow, forever.

How long does it take to know?
That to truly love is to let go?
To stand at the edge of insanity,
The threshold of lunacy.
Not knowing if they'll return,
If they were meant to be.

A moment.
The moment.
Thats all it takes.

Eternity.
Forever.
Thats what it takes.

Love, sweet love.


I tried hard not to be cliched and post this today...!! But the intoxication of red roses and the high from the chocolates got me all dizzy and poetic!!

Thank you darling!! Grateful for you, to you.

12.2.08

glllbbbbllllbbb........hold on, my mouth is full!!!!

Why women? Why food? Why emotional cravings? Why carbs? Why a-moment-on-the-lips-forever-on-the-hips?

Why me?

Ok, this needs a little background.

I am the first born daughter. My family believed that I had to be fed well. And 'well' meant - pour oodles of ghee in everything I ate, make sure I ate, like all the time, I got whatever my greedy toddler eyes would stare at. Of course, I stuffed my face, was in the pink of health, managed to hide the saturates somewhere in the secret depths! But miracles like fat-hiding only last so long. Because, one fine morning (well, not exactly, but you get the idea!)came the time for 'all that was hidden to be exposed'.

Adolescence.

And suddenly, without warning, cruelly, I was 'FAT'. The miracle had ended, the fact was, that the fat, began to surface.

Attitude, for the most part of my life, didnt let the 'fat' thing affect me. I was brimming with confidence, had the perfect retorts for the 'did you break the scales' comments (though, I would be really depressed and eat more..hehe!) had dialogues like 'This-is-the-way-I-am-like-it-good-for-you-dont-like-it-good-for-me' (though, I distinctly remember praying fervently, for God to make me slim, ASAP!!)

Anyways, after many many years of peer stigma and buckled self esteem, I decided to do something about it(if only to fit into the really awesome clothes that were never my size!!) and started aerobics! It was awesome! Early morning, scooty ride, mixed aerobics, sweating, stamina building..wow! Was nice!

But, you cant really teach an old dog, well, me in this case, new tricks! I would excercise with my body, mind and soul, but never ever got around to calorie cutting! Calories, eating smart, not snacking, were words that sounded like, blah blah, blooh blooh and bleeh bleeh to my fattened ears!

And then, one fine day (this time, really!) whilst on one of my routine visits to the doc, I got a jolt out of the blue categorising me as someone who had the risk of some crappy old age illnesses before the age of 35. And boy! Did that switch a light on in my head!!

For the first time in my life, I actually couldnt take health for granted. It was a very humbling feeling. The world is changing. The young are actually old. Brrr...scary. Anyways, after that enlightening day with the doc, I was all niravana-ed. Read up loads and loads about food, eating habits, changing lifestyle. It was difficult in the beginning, but now, I have embraced those changes and have even gotten used to them. And seriously (this is for those just venturing this narrow path!!!) IT WORKS!!!

However, this post, is not a brag about how I dont add sugar to my coffee or how I pick up only low cal, non fat food from the super market. This is actually about the 'slip'.

Every once in a while, the 'slip' happens and reminds me of the fact that I am a human being!! Its sort of, a practice session for my will power (which most of the 'slip' times, is running extrememly weak!) So, right in the beginning of the week, I gorged, binged and then binged some more!! For those who actually have (still) go through this, you know what I am talking about!! That helpless gut feeling (excuse the pun!!), that guilt, that anger. Oh well!! Just waged one of those battles today!!

But thank God for gyan giving, because yesterday, I had very wisely (halo around my head) told a friend (who is a fellow soldier in this war) - Remember, (blah blah blah for a long time) and..most importantly, when you slip ITS OKKKKKK!!!!!


So when I began my obvious, expected, rant and rave, she threw it right back at me..!! hehe!! Sort of shut me up! Now, THIS is why I dont believe in New Year resolutions!!! Its situations like these which remind me, that every moment, is another chance for another chance!!

So, Tuesday, here I come, with a renewed will power, stronger sense of purpose and some extra calories to burn!!






p.s: Gayathri, thanks for that nudge (comment -previous post)!! Sort of made this post happen!! Oh sweet sisterhood!

Agendas and winning

When my children were toddlers, I had a quote stuck on my shelf which read, “When we lose our agendas, everybody wins.” At that time I was j...