Boxing Day...literally!!

IT HAPPENED!!

Took longer than usual, 3 days to be precise, but Abi and I had our first punch fight!!! He wanted to be on the internet, I wanted to blog, there is only one ethernet cable and two laptops. hehehe!! Hence ensued a "Why do u even bother to come to see me" and " I dont know why I even bother to come and see u"!! Which later developed into a "Abi, I think I will punch you" followed by, "There, you just thought and I did it"!!! Sigh! Finally I threw the cable at him! He won the battle and the cable...ONLY TODAY!! One day when I am rich and famous.....!!!!

The reason I wanted to blog today was, that even though I have rediscovered my childhood (ref: previous post!) I have forgotten how to fit laces in a sneaker!!! I bought a long coveted pair of sneakers yesterday and thanks to my brother ( dont even ask, how!) each shoe now has the laces done differently and I have no clue how either is done, and the sibling of mine doesnt either!!


So, if anyone remembers, please do remind me how to get those laces back into my shoe, the right way!!

Happy New Year everyone!!!

God bless!
me!

Musings!

Its again that time of the year when I look back and say,"Hmm...not bad, considering what all happened, I have managed to keep my senses about myself" and of course, hope that the new year brings more joy and more strength to face the trials that will most definitely come!
2006 has been a very oxymoronish year for me! But in every sway to the downside, I manage to find a positive note and turn the balances!

Personally, I think Abi's accident and his subsequent (miraculous!) recuperation was one of the most important events of this year. Even now when I think back to those days spent in the hospital outside the ICU, I shudder and whisper a word of thanks to God.

Another most important event of the year was that I met K !! Entwined with the hospital scene remains my most joyful and favourite story ever- 'my first meeting with K'! Thank you for your love and support Mads, and for being more patient than you've probably ever been.

Dad's getting back to work is as important to me as it is to him and mom's surgery - wheee! Thank God its over and done with!

The fact that I got to travel abroad (on company expense :D) and then resettle to live in Edinburgh to do my MBA is three things I have always wanted to do ;fulfilled at the same time! The ordeal for the bank loan, the wait for the visa, getting things in order to leave for the UK...phew! Its been a long 2006!

I learnt so many things about myself, was surprised by some and absolutely shocked by the rest! Accepted them, moved on. Learnt more to accept people as they are and stop making judgements.

In a lot of ways and experiences, I found my childhood again. I dusted the cobwebs from the many cares and concerns of the world and found that curiosity, pure joy, love, excitement and enthusiasm never end! They are right here, except that the dust gathered over the years needs to be removed.

Overall, I think I have become a better person this year, at least better than what I was last year! Its good to have more focus, more freedom and the discipline that must accompany it. Oh yes, I have fought, loads with everyone from my parents, to K to Abi to Gaayu to Mayu, to Nami, to even my friends in Edinburgh (..and I barely know them!) But I have made up with most of them (will reconcile with Abi today evening..am going to cook some nice chicken curry for him...hehehe!)

I know I will change next year as I have changed this year, my only prayer is that my change be for the better and that I never lose the child in me! That I love more and judge less, give more and expect less. And never ever forget to be myself!

Wishing each one of you the best of everything during this Christmas and the year to come!

God bless!
Ashika

Being me

I feel like three people at the same time;

Harry Potter - remember how he Hermoine and Ron would always stay back during the Christmas hols and how the halls would be so empty and spooky? Even the slightest sound wakes me up and it takes me MINUTES to get back to sleep! And the wind! Oh the Scottish winds! They go ooooooooooooo..aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...ooooooooooooooooooooo!! SPOOKY!

Dobby the House Elf - Another Harry Potter character who bangs his head on anything and everything that would hurt the moment he realises that he spoke something wrong (in my case PURE SILLY) I feel like him too...want to bang my head on these stone walls. Me and my big mouth.

Ashika - This is a little tough. Its weird, its crazy and it says the wrong things at the wrong time. Sigh.


Bored to silliness!

Me!

Grumpy Granny!

Exams over, yuletide in, holidays and loads of vetti time, most of the time!

I am back to blogging and boy! Does it feel good! Today was a busy day. The Job Centre misplaced some of my papers and the job that I had for Christmas just got blown away! So I am hot on the heels of a new job! I seriously believe that the fruit of patience is sweet, I'll wait!

Anyways, what spurred me to blog today, even though I finished my exams a couple of days ago was a 'I've GOT to blog this' incident! I was on my way to Princes Street where most of the big brand shops are located and also where the Job Centre is and I got into Lothian Bus 25. As we were on our way to the High Street, on Shandon Place or somewhere before that, an old lady got into the bus. She was quite old, must be around 75 at least. Anyways, here she was white hair, raincoat and a big bag, grumbling about something. She kept mumbling and went past the driver and sat down. The driver, who is worthy of a separate blog himself, with all his piercings and tattoos, suddenly stopped the bus and snapped his fingers at the old lady. Thus began a verbal fight between the old lady and the driver! The reason- the old lady told him that he was late and he was enraged!! He was so angry that someone would say that he was late! Wow! I was imagining our PTC buses and their pledge to never follow a time table!!

All this is fine! What got me gaping and later stuffing my mouth with my cap so I wont start giggling like a maniac was that while the driver was still defending himself and waving his timetable and daring the old lady to come check it, this white haired, 70 something, angry senior citizen suddenly said, "HEY!!!!!" and with great difficulty disengaged her hand from the bag she was holding and showed the driver 'the finger'!

The bus started and the driver got us back on the road.

Everyone was so quiet. I was shocked. Never ever in my life had I seen an old lady show the finger to anyone! Once the shock ebbed out, I couldnt stop grinning! And I was stiffling giggles! Phew! Am sure, had she seen me laughing, I would have met the same fate as the driver!


Ha! Its good to be back!!!

Laters then!

me

Midnight lamp (!!)

They are here!! I was wishing that they might forget, lose their way or simply sleep in!! But no, as usual, they came and are here to stay.


EXAMS

So, if you dont see enough blog updates of how I embarassed myself X number of times in a week, or if I dont reply to your emails or I dont scrap you back, just know that Mr. Organisational Behaviour and Mr. Economics are taking me for scenic spins!


Laterz!!
me

p.s: doesnt apply to Chinaman Coaster and the rhythmic technoes (!!!).

Was I born like this?

What do you call a person who is silly? -- "silly"

What do you call a person who is stupid? --"stupid"

What do you call a person who is supposed to go to Leeds in the middle of England to visit her brother and instead finds herself in Bristol, in the South of England?--"Ashika"

Yes, yes, my sad story begins something like this....

...armed with all the necessary fizzy drinks, still water and some healthy and some not so healthy theenis, I boarded the National Express, very snugly found a window seat and got ready to do what I always do in a bus----- sleep! The bus was scheduled to arrive in Leeds at 8.45 am and it was just 9.30 pm the previous night!

So I slept. Slept through every single stop. Note that I wasnt being lazy or careless - I had kept an alarm for 7.30 so I could wake up in time to meet my lil bro! And first it was 7.30, then 8.00, then 8.30, then 9.00. But when at 9.30, the bus started slowing down for a coach station that read 'Bristol', I realized that, maybe,just MAYBE, something was not right here!

I guess the driver was a little stressed from the long journey , because when I asked him if Bristol were just another name for Leeds (hehehe), the look he gave me could have left scars (Thank God for four years in Sathyabama!) Quite understandable! He just dragged me to the Coach station inspector and left me to languish there under her withering stare!

Nah, that was only writer's liscence! Actually, she was a sweetheart! Resembled one of my old English teachers, Mrs. Birch. Must have been about 60 years old, impeccably dressed, every strand of hair in place, smelling like the spring and tch tch - ing me at every possible gap of conversation(ending every sentence with a "love" thrown in for good measure!). I was supposed to have gotten down at Manchester and change buses, but (as usual) just assumed that I had to keep warming my seat untill I reached Leeds. I was way below my original destination. I only hoped they wouldnt arrest for traveling 'without la'!!

Anyways, after parting with some more considerable sum of money (boohooo!!) I booked my tickets for Leeds from Bristol. But I was a little doubtful about why it took 6 hours from Bristol to Leeds ( I couldnt have missed too many places in between..or could I, I was beginning to doubt my very existence by now!) So, the ticket lady, another sweetheart, held me by my hand ( I wonder whether that was out of love or for support though!) and led me to a map.... and I literally swooned! I was way too down below England.

I had to make the best of what I had (that seems to be my punchline for a lot of things nowadays!) so I just roamed around Bristol, snapped a few pics and finally came back to the coach station, an hour in advance (once bitten, forever shy!) and travelled back to Leeds.

In all, I had been traveling for 18 hours straight yesterday! And if it had been on a plane, I could have visited home and come back!

Thankfully, my brother decided not to shower any sarcastic comments or his opinions about "how did they ever accept me in a business school"!! And after some delicious chicken fry and sambar soru (everyday food is now delicacy!) I slept a peaceful sleep!

Leeds at last! Thank God!



- still speechless
me!

me

I dont know how I do it, I dont know what inspires me, but I get myself into embarassing situations so easily, that it amazes me.

I had an interview with PC World for a part time job today. So, I go , almost smartly dressed, with three modules of economics clipped together to keep me company. I reach PC World 5 minutes before schedule (!!! am changing already!) and walk into the store. Alan, the manager who was supposed to interview me was busy dealing with some customers, so I was asked to grab a seat and wait in the financial bay. And thats what I did. Stifling a yawn (I dont know why economics does that to me) I opened the module sheets to (at least) glance through the theories of marginal benefits and opportunity costs.
Five minutes passed, then ten, then fifteen, either I was in a state of trance or I had fallen asleep HENCE, when Alan came booming in with a HIYAAAA THERE!!!!!! I literally jumped of out my skin and stood up (almost saluted him!) to shake hands with the guy. And what happened next was in slow motion.....my jacket which I was holding (conveniently) upside down rattled with the noise of my keys, my cellphone and some change threatening to meet ground any moment and the chair I was sitting in....well, unable to bear the shock of my violent and very sudden ahoy! captain!!, rolled over like an excited labrador and fell down in a very booming THUD.

There was silence.

Broken only by my ..."ooooooooops...."

I dont know what shade of red under brown I turned, but it sure brought a twinkle to Alan's eye who with great difficulty managed a "dont worry about it!" Kind of him not to laugh at a very embarassed girl! OPENLY!

Anyways, I never got the job, because I dont have a National Insurance Number yet. Looks like I am going through a spell of rejections. But hey! Every dog has its birth day and mine's coming soon! Maybe B'day stars will give the spell a twist!

The upside of the whole incident was, that Alan probably thought he must make up for the embarassment and gave me his card and asked me to call him as soon as I get my NI number! A good out of every 'oops'!!

take care and dont be embarassed to be embarassed!

me!

ps: oh, didnt mention about the time, when I was in the chaplaincy with some other international students yesteday and we were talking about our countries and food and meat and economies and I very confidently said, that adultery is not only prevelant in developing economies, but also in countries like America.

There was stunned silence.

And "OH! Sorry! I meant adulteration" was followed by '..ooopps'!!

...last time you did something for the first time

This phrase never fails to amaze me. I have rarely seen a sentence so snugly fit into the shoes of 'being oxymoronish'! I feel like a nursery school kid learning to read and write! I made sambar yesterday and not exaggerating, I like it! Standing in my kitchen, I would have been a funny sight to my chinese kitchen mates, grinning over a pot of boiling something(and appo appo tasting it also!)! So, when one of them before leaving shyly came up to me and said, "eeet smeaal, veeery gooood", the grin only stretched!

I dont really remember when I did something for the first time, the baggage switch was a first time alrite (though the burning hot cheeks due to agonizing embarassment when Sathya tracked me down and confirmed to me that he never cross dressed and that it was HIS bag that I picked...wasnt a first time!!) But yesterday, I think I would have yelped and clapped my hands in joy after realising that, I, I, I had actually made eatable/drinkable sambar!!

I never thought that I would be saying this, but my dear friends, cooking is a therapy. Believe me, it heals!

Gotta run now, the big black economics book is staring at me (glaring, I have a feeling)!

Take care!
me

Economics on Monday mornings

Either my relationship with my monday morning economics class is jinxed or I have some silly psychological thing going on that makes me sleep exactly after 3.AM ONLY on sunday nights to wake up like in a trance at 8.30AM for a 9 AM class and go through the day like a zombie (active only when I have to physically stop myself from falling off the chair.)
Anyways, today was no different from the rest of the mondays, slept at 3.30 AM (what I did till then?? Other than the normal things(debatable, yeah!), woke my parents up early in the morning -for them- with a RISE AND SHINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Did a psychotic, HIIIIIIIII HOWWW AREEEEE YOUUUUUU in high pitch to Mads(must have given u a shock sweetheart! Sorry!!)) and then dropped off to sleep.
I was taking down notes in class today, when out of sheer desperation to keep myself awake, I started writing random things! A peek into my economics notebook - unedited!

Oh my god! I am shameless!! I am rolling off into sleep right in front of Professor Neil Kay!! Can't believe it!!
I am going to go home and sleep. Should I tell Prof? Maybe not, will go sleep and come back after lunch. Yemmaaa!! Ibdi thookam varde!!!
My eyes are simply rolling in their sockets. The warm bed in my room is all I can see...all around me. Prof's talking about supply and demand and I keep hearing sleepy dee mandu!! hahahahaha!! I must be a psycho!!
Oh gosh! What am I trying to do? Fool him?! Can't believe I dozed off with one eye open! Aiyoooo Kadavale!! I've never felt so sleepy in my entire life! Ash...remember what all you did back in Sathyabama??? By this time you would have simply dropped off to sleep!!

Whewww!! So, when I ran out of the class during the mid morning break, thinking I'll catch up on my sleep, something made me turn left and go to the student canteen and pick up a cup of coffee and come right back to class! So! My student sense prevailed!! Praise God! And btw, today for the first time in my life (!!!) coffee kept me awake! I think it had more to do with misjudging the amount of sugar I would need for my coffee and drinking almost bitter coffee sent all the sleep in shreiking away to Honololu!!
And to top it all, the Prof keeps saying, "....and in the United States for example...." or "...consider what happened in California..." and I almost go off into dreamland!!! Sigh!!


Yawning
me!

Ups and Downs

They warned me all about it. Sent me literature, gave me sessions as soon as I reached here and all the while, I literally tuned off thinking, this wouldnt happen to me..I am the been-to-London-returned-Ashika. But no one is ever spared and I am not an exception. Depression. Well, not like I am languishing in my room or refuse to talk to those around me..but the fact that these are the things that I would rather do than go out and take that walk next to the lake or have that chat with the folks confirmed it for me. Either am at the edge of my wits or I am going flop-bott! And the tiny zit that decided to place itself right on my cheek bone so that its visible to the entire world, does nothing to alleiviate the situation!

Will probably take another week for me to get back to normal living. Have just shifted from Lord Home Hall (the private bathroom ones) to Leonard Horner Hall (shared bathrooms). I was terrified thinking that these bathrooms wouldnt have locks, just like the one in my room, but thankfully, it has a lock and a good one at that! The room is smaller than here and I dont have a fantastic view anymore (not unless I become overly positive and start considering staring right into some one else's bedroom a 'fantastic view'! Well, you know what....WHY NOT!!) Okie, I have a (err...) fantastic view!! This place reminds me of the parable 'the good samaritan'. Wont get into the details of that, but the similarity is the lighting and the bricks - looks like an old jewish inn!

The highlights of this week are Shao-Po (pronounced, Shao-paoooooooo with a falling intonation) and Cho-Yu (pronounced Cho-Yuiiiiuuuu with a rising intonation, but he says, juuusss khaa mee Bruce Lee!) -my taiwanese friends. English is not something that comes easily to them, but the vigour at which they type words into their portable electronic dictionary and then the dawn of enlightenment on their faces....brought a tear to my eyes! And of course, Lan Shi, my chinese friend. She is the cutest person I have ever come across in my life! Short and sweet! And the way she says "Vaaya muudu" in a chinese accent ( something her Indian friend taught her in Germany) is hilarious!!!

Did I mention, the new hall is just a stone's throw from the Lake! I am looking forward to feeding the hungry swans and ducks! Hey! I dont feel so depressed after all! Maybe it was the act of blogging that made me focus on the positives! Wow! Now blogging is a stress buster too! Kewl!

Gotta run now! More later!

me!

History repeats itself and creates itself!

History has no consciousness of location. It simply repeats itself.

I, come, crossing oceans and seas, to a land far away, to learn, to explore, to grow; and I made history repeat itself. The first class of Economics, under the watchful (crystal clear, sea blue, kind...sigh!) eyes of Professor Neil Kay- I slept. I am not usually a creature of habit, but when a habit created out of four years of nothingness during my undergraduate days sticks despite two years of work experience, I am caught between a guffaw and a sob. Not only did I yawn, before, during and after every single slide that explained obviously important phenomenon such as marginal utility, opportunity costs, demand analysis and suppy analysis (believe it or not, I yawned twice before I finished that sentence, its really late at night, maybe thats why. Really.), there was a point in class when I, completely exhausted from trying to keep those heavyweights also known as my eyelids open, said, CHUCK IT (!!!!!!) and simply dozed off. So much so for supposedly having an aptitude for economics ( I used to top my class in 10th grade, always used to score 7/7, seriously!)

Anyways, thankfully, I wasnt asked to go wash my face and come(years of experience, back in Sathyabama) but somehow managed to ask a few questions and distract the blue eyed professor! But the reason I am blogging today is not to relate how history repeats itself (excuse me for swaying off the topic, which is actually SO ME!) but how history was created today! Twice!

So, here I was, sitting in the Organisational Behaviour class, in the last row of students and making some important descisions in my life ( e.g HRM is the last option on my job seeking agenda, never again am I going to touch that Cornish Pasty again, because one it costs 1 GBP = 90 bucks and two, it felt like eating raw meat...etc etc) when I heard a grrrrooowwwwllllll. The monster had arisen! The banana for breakfast had not satisfied the Indian food craving monster! And then, like a mirage, it floated before my very eyes, the chicken curry I had made two days ago! And at that moment, my mouth watered for a spoon of that curry I had called 'bearable'. History had just been created! First time. As soon as we broke for lunch, I came running, like to a lover, heated up my loving chicken curry and relished every single bite of it! Hunger makes miracles happen!

In the evening, when we the girls were having a pre weekend get together in my room, I invited Sushma for dinner( I took a risk with her life..yet...!) And what do we have for dinner? The same chicken curry I had made a couple of days ago! It was the moment of truth, the external examiner had come! One bite and Sush said "Ashika, you are an amazing cook" This time, I guffawed, with tears in my eyes! Hahahahhahahahahahahaha!! Well, waddya know! Ashika cooks well!!!

Its been exactly a week since I barely escaped the heart attack after the baggage switch! Things are slowly settling down, I dont get lost that often now! I can pronounce the names of each of my classmates and I can say Machiavellian without saying Machi err..aahh..hmm..wateva! Been through missing home, missing friends and missing the mister (worse than the other two), shed loadsa tears, fought with gaay, made up, finished up four call cards...hey!Not bad!Life is slowly getting back to normal!

take care y'all!
me!

Of Lothian buses and only change accepted tickets

Its been exactly a week since I've moved to Edinburgh. Things have been tight (classes i mean, clothes are loose already) and I put off my blogging like a zillion times. I think its only fair that my friends, whom I have not had an opportunity of updating on my new life (style) be given their fair share of updation!

So where do I begin? With the lady at the check in who literally threw me out of the plane for carrying 13 kilos of extra luggage? Or the dismally boring flight with a kid that WOULDNT STOP WHINING? Or maybe I should start with the part when I tugged and chugged my huuuuuuuugeee suitcase (I stand corrected: ONE of my hugggggggggeee suitcases) and upped three floors of English stone and Scottish carpets (the details are gory figments of my imagination, I swear I cant tell a pebble from marble! Or persian rugs from chinese!) and reached my room, which thankfully was clean, cosy and had a marvellous view! And I sit on the recently upholstered bed, say a word of thanks to God and again tug and literally hug my suitcase to get that bath that my body, mind and soul were screaming together for. And voila, there were clothes! Trousers that wouldnt fit me cuz they were meant for MEN! Shirts that wouldnt look good on me cuz they were meant for MEN! And undies....da da da da da! Baggage switch! Of ALL the days! Of ALL the flights! Of ALL the baggages! Well, like I usually tell those who ask me the of-all-the- questions....WHY NOT?!

So once again, tugging that mammoth, blue, dinosaur in disguise along, i huffed and puffed to the airport, hoping against hope that the guy who picked up mine wouldnt suddenly discover his passion for cross dressing! hehe..ok, that was a bit too much! Actually, I was quite confident about getting my baggage back, I prayed and of course, the scorpio woman's intuition is rarely wrong!

Baggage back, bath taken, MY CLOTHES worn! I slept a peaceful sleep that night. The rest of the days were a blur. Freshers week. Loads of parties (none of which I attended), given the pre-reading that was 'compulsory' for the class that hadnt even begun.

Or hey, maybe I should talk about the time when Prabha and I went to Asda supermarket and bought stuff for a couple of weeks and then almost cried on our way back home because the bags were too freaking heavy and the halls of residence too freaking far away. Brrr! My body ached for days! Sweet memories :p!

And then The day dawned. Bright and blued! Sunshine and cute sheep grazing in the meadow right next to my hall. My MBA class. United Colors of Benetton would be proud of us. A scot, a malaysian, three indians, a nigerian, a uandan (or smthing like that!) a japanese, a taiwanese, a chinese, a pakistani, a jordanian, a norwegian and an english! Sitting in the lecture room was like sitting in a room with a TV running multiple channels! Whooo! What an experience! Did all the MBA stuff, the rope excercise, the blindfolding thing, loadsa discussions and professors who would every ten minutes say "this-is-a-tough-and-demanding-course-you-are-required-to--work-very-hard-indeed"...."YES MAAAASSSTTEERRRR"!!!

Met some really interesting people at the Chaplaincy. Will and Abraham who will find mention here. Will, a Nigerian who speaks English just like the English and Abe, an Indian, who is actually French and yeah, speaks English just like them! He was born in Pondicherry too! Yipee! We are the world! Pondicherrians! Heheheh!!

Things just starting to settling down here. With a wee bit of free time on my hands, I hope to be able to blog more often now. More for myself.

I gotta run now. Going to make Puliogare for dinner and tomorrow's lunch and tomorrow's dinner! heheheh! Yep! My life! Eating out of the chilled boxes!

Take care y'all!

Me!

Payanam Time!

Phew!! At last! I get to blog!

What a past few weeks it has been! Everything seemed to be happening in a blur. Clothes (need I say more! what with Waves Annanagar opening a brand new showroom, I am now a proud owner of quite a few capris and kurtis and trousers!), utensils(tawa, kadai, pressure cooker..snigger!!), groceries (I have bought all sorts of masalas;other than pepper and salt for omlettes, I am not too sure about the working principle of the rest!) and of course, my other sweetheart, my laptop! (I know, I know, I could have bought it there. Heard it many many times :D)

Its like I am going away for a lifetime, not for a year or two! Anyways, last night, after much persuasion, I made my dad pack my suitcase. I wanted this done a couple of days ago, but both my parents, weren't ready to get into 'our-daugther-is-leaving' mood that early! (all this after all the torture I've put them through, all my life?!! ;) I thought, they might be heaving a sigh of relief that the tyrant has at last left!). OK, mebbe they are!!

Grandad now finds everything about me very sweet! I am now more beautiful than before (hey!thats what he says!) not like I mind though ;) Gosh, come to think of it, I've quite tortured my poor grandpop too! My room would usually be devoid of any clutter, thanks to Thaatha, who made sure that all my clothes were folded, my stationery in the right box and my cosmetics back in the vanity case(not like I have something like that..hehehe..just a huge Dior bag my aunt gifted me!)

So how do I feel leaving the country?? Not overtly depressed. I'll miss GOOD rasam and GOOD sambhar and GOOD chicken fry. Theoritically mom is happy with my recitation of Mantra de Rasam and Karma..err..Kurma.hehehe..practically..yet to face the consequences! After 23 years of living, I am actually not going to have curfews...oooh, big responsibility, weighs heavily on my shoulders!

I have two HUGE suitcases stuffed to the brim and further.Despite the excess baggage allowance that British Airways gives, I might be carrying extra. Aaaarrghh,I hope I dont have to unpack at the airport.

Gotta run now. Had so many plans of meeting a lot of people before I leave, especially my friend who is a new mummy , however, had to make do with a phone call. Just two days left. Exclusive family time.

Later from the castles of Edinburgh then!

Ciao!
me

On love and loving

X: Stephen, the feeling isn't there anymore. What do you suggest?
Stehen Covey:Then love her
X: I told you the feeling isn't there anymore.
Stephen Covey: Love her.
X: You dont understand. THE FEELING OF LOVE JUST ISNT THERE.
Stehen Covey: Then love her. If the feeling isnt there, thats a good reason to love her.
X: But how do you love when there is no love?
Stephen Covey: My friend, love is verb. Love - the feeling- is a fruit of love the verb.

Love is a value that is actualised by loving actions.

-A scattered excerpt from one of the books I am reading 'The 7 habits of highly effective people" (the other being Freakonomics)

For the first time in my life

I was born 23 years ago and have lived everybit of those years. I have seen a lot of things in all those 23 years..a lot of people, a lot of situations, a lot of tears and a lot of laughter.
What I hadnt seen was; a decent looking passport size photo. Reaaaaaaaaaaaalllllyyyyyy!! That was what it was, until today. I was badly in need of passport size photographs and rushed into the studio. Windblown and sweaty. My fingers were my comb and my sleeves were my tissues..(Do I hear a lot of..thats-so-her?!!) hehehehehe!!
Anyways, today, for the first time in my life, I had a decent passport photo taken. Phew!! And am happy!

Thats all. Ok tata bye bye.

me!

Fear Factor

By the time I was 16, I had learnt two things, one - not to let success get to my head and two - take losing in the right spirit. I am glad I learnt some really important lessons earlier on in life. I could lose to someone in a game of chess and smile, I could lose to someone in a debate and still smile. But I was still handicapped. I couldn't bear losing people in my life.

As far as my memory goes, I remember crying for people who have said bye and moved on. I think one of my earliest memories is of Shonai, my bengali friend who also doubled up as a foe! She couldnt speak english or tamil and I couldnt speak hindi or bengali. Yet, we were friends (except for those times when we scratched ourselves to bruises!). She was older than me and as her father's tenure in Delhi got over and he was transferred back to Calcutta, she had to leave too. Her parting gift to me was a toothpick. She said keep it safe. I still remember being a tiny 8 year old, standing near the massive main gate and watching as her mother and father piled up suitcases after suitcases into the typical yellow hooded Indian taxi. The toothpick was in my hand, safe and sound. She got into the taxi and said a melancholic bye. And the taxi vroomed away into non-existence. Shonai had just left my life. It wasn't like I loved her or even for that matter cared for her. She was the girl I played Hide and Seek with and now she had left. I remember returnning home with a feeling that was very new to me. It wasn't nice, it was very painful. It was a heavy heart. I cried. And god knows why I chewed the toothpick to its grave! Shonai was gone and so was the toothpick she gave me.

Ten years down the lane I was still the same. Being a major did nothing new to dispel this fear of losing people. I could vote and elect governments, but would always be bound by fear that someone I love might leave me. I've lost friends. Some good, some questionable. Yet, everything was an eye opener. Every adieu was bringing me closer to the revelation of a certain truth. A certain wisdom that only age can bring. I realised that those whom you trusted the most, those whom you feared to lose the most, were the ones who could cause you that pain that is so intense, so anguishing and so excruiciating, that you lose consciousness of joy.

I am older now. And I think I am at the threshold of allowing the fullness of that truth to wash over me. To be unbound by any fear. Of losing. People. I make ways for myself, pave paths to understand why I go through what I go through. I am that genre of people who shape happenings to look like steps and then use them to move on. I have learnt that fear is dispelled when there is joy. The talons of fear are cut to pieces by the power of confidence in self and God and optimism about the future. I do not fear now, for I do not expect.

The lack of an emotional decree and an abstract agreement to stay by my side till the end is painful, but a breather all the same. If I dont allow you to have an option of deserting, how will you? I think, I evolve. What I am today is not what I was yesterday is not what I will be tomorrow.

I hope, hence I live. I love, hence I hope. Meanwhile, I stumble, I stutter. I find my balance in my imbalance. I strive to be- an oxymoron.



me!

Err...:D

I need not do anything...somehow, embarassing moments just find their way in this highly populated country to me! It has been this way since childhood and I haven't seen any respite as a teenager or now as a woman and the current trend only reinforces my belief that this will be the way till I am 6 feet under! Well, fact is, I dont really mind..but right now, I am still reeling from the err...embarassment of what I did...hehehe. Really, lack of knowledge is an embarassing thing!

Ok, the story is that..I get this new project to work on. I have to liase with consultants all over Europe and Asia-Pacific. So, I am sent a few introductory emails and then a few "Hi! Welcome On board" emails. For the first time, I am working with Chinese consultants and its a nice feeling! So I am still feeling all nice about working on an important consult and am replying to emails from the top guys, when suddenly a chinese lady emails me about the project requirements...her name was as expected...very chinese..Siok Hui Tan. So I reply saying,

Hi Siok,

...blah blah blah...
blah blah blah......blah blah blah...
blah blah blah......blah blah blah...
blah blah blah......blah blah blah...
blah blah blah......blah blah blah...
blah blah blah......blah blah blah...
blah blah blah...

regards,
Ashika

Ten minutes later, I had one of the big guys on the project ping me over IM....

Big guy: Hi
Me: Hi!
Big guy: Listen...
me: (uhoh) yes..?
Big guy: Your last email...
me: (UH OHHHHHH) Yes...? What about it?
Big guy: Ok, listen, you are not supposed to call Siok Hui Tan, Siok.
me: (GULP!) err....???? Siok Hui Tan is not Siok?
Big guy: Yes, call her Siok Hui.
me: (Giggle, kya hui?!) Siok Hui Tan is not Siok but Siok Hui??
Big guy: Yes.
me: O(half a K)
Big guy: bye, anytime

Hehehehe, me quite bright here!! As usual! Lesson learnt! Chinese names...Name 1 Name 2 Name 3 is never Name 1 but Name 1 Name 2. Got it?! I did! Today!

:)
me

Desperate Parents

Doing my lil bit to help spread some goodwill.

Check this blog Everything Else: Spreading the Word Around to help a little kid suffering with Aplastic Anaemia - http://www.lrf.org.uk/en/1/infdispatapl.html
Details in the blog.

An aeon passed

Every morning, I see her. Wrapped in an old tattered blanket, sometimes not. Her frail body wrapped in a sari that must have seen better days. Her hair is neatly parted in the middle, combed and tied at the nape of her neck. Her eyes are always downcast. I have never made eye contact with her. And I wonder. What will I see when my eyes meet hers?

I always make it a point to slow down when I come to that corner spot where she sits. Sometimes hugging herself to protect her weak body from the early morning cold, sometimes biting into a bun which some kind hearted philanthropist donated to her with a cup of tea. Her eyes are always downcast. What if she looks up suddenly when I cross her in the morning? What will I find in her eyes?

Today there was a child sitting beside her. Her yellow sari a clear contrast to his red shirt. She was holding her bent knee and was deep in thought with downcast eyes while the child played with planes, imaginary ones. Didnt the antics of that little child inspire her to lift her eyes from the ground? What was she thinking about? What would I have seen had she lifetd her eyes and looked into mine?

Why is she where she is? Where does she go once its night? What was she thinking about today? Of days gone by? Of younger years when she didnt have to depend on kind men and women to give her a piece of bread. Of days when beautiful childern came running to her as she picked them up wth the strength of her youth and swung them high as they wheeeeeeed and whoooeeeed in joy?

Or was she thinking about the young girl who crosses her everyday early in the morning. slowing down, hoping to catch a glimplse of her deep eyes, etched with experiences and memories. What emotions does that young girl carry in her eyes? She doesnt know. For she refuses to look up and meet her eyes. To meet the eyes of the young girl who reminds her of her bygone days? Maybe.

I would never know.

!! Men !! &*Women* ------ Equal or not?!!!

It is my opinion that women and men or not equal because they are both unique in their own sense. It is this imbalance that keeps the balance!! Today I was reading the Kenneth Copeland Ministries daily devotion and came across this!

"Take men and women, for example. He's (meaning Satan) deceived us into fighting about which one is superior over the other. But I can settle that argument right now. Women are superior to men. If you don't believe that, you boys try having a baby. But then, men are superior to women. If you don't believe that, you women try having one without us. It's the differences combined that make us strong! "

- Kenneth Copeland

I think it rocks!

Good 'ol Christy!

I will be meeting Christy after almost three months now. The last I saw her was when she had breezed into my house and demanded fish curry and then sat down to arrange my suitcase for my trip to the UK! My diary had everything written in absolute certainty, x number of shirts, y number of trousers, so many undies (yeah! that too!!), so many soaps,deos, prefumes, shampoos and conditioners! Everything was methodically written and it was read out to me at least twice so I do not, DO NOT forget anything back there (its an altogether different story, that in the end, I had to leave all my old clothes in the airport, cuz the immigration guy wouldnt let me board the plane with 11 kilos of extra luggage!!)

Christy...!! The very sight of her used to spur me to turn around and walk in the opposite direction, or at least walk past her like she didnt even exist!! How that turned into such a close friendship, that we are like sisters...I do not know!!! Thats the friendship mystery, I guess!!

I'll run now! The lady will be waiting for me and if I am even a nanosecond later than 5:0:0:0:0:0:0:0:0:0, I just might not be able to blog again!!! (actually, given the traffic in Mount Road, I am going to be late anyways, at least by a few minutes!! I think I just might have to resort to the I-was-so-rushing-I-almost-met-with-an-accident look!! Then she'll be all worried about how I am now!! Har har har!! Am I baaadddd or what?!!!!)

*!! LoVe !!*

How does one identify love? Am I in love if I feel a rush of such emotions that my heart pumps enough blood to 'paint the town red'?!!!! Or am I in love when I wake up in the morning, not dreading the strenuous aerobics, the rush back home, the traffic at Nelson Manickam road, the deadlines-instead feeling like the world couldnt be more at peace and joy?!

I read somewhere that love is nothing but a mere chemical reaction...(excuse me for the obvious lack of in depth knowledge)but speaking in 'nature' terms, Lady moths secrete this chemical called phremones, which are so powerful that they can attract a gentleman moth almost 4000 miles away!! lol!! wow! is that explosive or what?!! Thats for moths and mothsesses! What about us? We the most intelligent, yet so lost in many avenues humans?! I do not know!!
However, since almost everything, nah! everything in nature is replicated in everything else, maybe we do...is 15,000 kilometers a possible distance for love to grow? (not that I am aware of any phremones secretion!!!!!)

Maybe its not all that 'scientific', maybe its not all that 'physiological', maybe its not all that 'logical'...maybe it is...I dont know!

All I know is that there is more hope than before, more joy than before, more enthusiasm than before. There is more love than ever before.

And did I tell you? I never even got upset with the guy who was honking behind me at the red traffic signal!! Funny!

Awesome = Women

One of the most irritating things about my aerobics centre is that it resembles our country...tremendous population, lack of infrastructure. Lack of dumbells, lack of mats, lack of sticks!! And thats when I caught a glimpse of what it is to be a woman!
Mine is a mixed aerobics group, about 10 women and 15 men. The day in discussion was one of the most strenuous work outs ever, Prabhu, our instructor said, "dumbells" and everyone rushed to get theirs. The men are strategically placed, as in, they are close to the little box where the dumbells are stored. And by the time, we the deprived women reached the box ....late and damn! there were only four pairs of dumbells. So four of us took the four pairs and there were four more women doing the dumbell exercises without them.
I was happily doing my workout when suddenly one girl stopped her workout and gave one of the dumbells to another girl, we all followed suit. Now there were 8 women with one dumbell each! And we all did our workout (happily ever after?! Couldnt resist it!)
The same thing goes with the mats, if there is a deficit of mats, we girls simply shift and share mats!!
Ok, whats the point?! Well, the point is, that I think women are great when they want to be!!
AND! That I am proud proud proud to be a woman!!!!!! :D

Blogger..again!!!

I am not new to blogging. Neither am I new to blogspot. WhatI am new to is the fact that I created this blog and decided that this one was for keeps!
Being quite busy at work (;p) I usually dont find enough time to update blogs, but with an Airtel internet connection at home (which is conveniently free after 8 at night) I am optimistic about the lifespan of this blog!
Today, Tamil Nadu's governmental destiny for the next 5 years has been decided. So, its the 83 year old veteran who is going to carry the torch. I am not too involved in politics, not because I am not interested, more so because I have better things to do. But I do know the headlines! About how Vaiko jumped the fence and joined Jayalalitha and how the entire Tamil Nadu literally spat at him. But somehow I can never agree that a man would so blatantly go back on his words (people say for 70 crores..and people meaning, mom, pop,uncles, aunts and colleagues!). I always picture him as the Forsyth hero who throws himself into the lion's lair and bears the humiliation and proddings of the world with a silent smile, because he is undercover!
I also know about how during the last Union elections, Jayalalitha toured the entire TN canvassing for the BJP, but ended up getting jeeerooo votes. So basically what I know is, the basics!
Frankly, in my opinion, doesn't matter what kind of government we have, if the people are responsible and respect themselves and others as they respect themselves, everything..EVERYTHING will be fine.
Things like staying behind the stop line on a traffic signal and waiting for the signal to turn green before whizzing off like the wind (and being a potential danger to self and others), like actually heeding signs and not spitting on the walls, like waiting in the queue in shops, like saying a thank you and an excuse me and a sorry, like not looking at women with eyes that have been cyborged for a scanner, like switching off cellphones or putting them in silent mode in places where they have to be and most importantly, to be proud of what we have and seek ways to make it better.

"No country is perfect, it needs to be made perfect"(courtesy: but obviously!! Rang De Basanti!)

So till the next time I get to update my blog...Ciao!!!